The Slippery Toilet Seat

Since I travel a good bit I’m able to analyze and form a valid opinion on which hotels are great and which ones suck.  Occasionally I get a shower knob that needs a different jiggle to get started or an office chair that doesn’t lean back.  But here in McAllen, staying at the Hilton Garden inn, this is the first time I’ve had to poop sideways because the toilet seat leans to the left.

And it gets better…or more entertaining.

I decided to go down to the fitness center and burn off El Pollo Loco so I worked up a good sweat.  On my hike up the four floors of stairs to my room I had a rumble in my stomach that I haven’t felt in quite a while.  Naturally that prompted an extra pep in my step to get back to the room.

I rushed in the door, burst into the bathroom, and sat my sweaty ass down on the porcelain throne and slid right off into the bathtub.  So I guess I’m pooping in the bathtub now because there was no halting the flow of brown lava after I’ve started.  It’s all downspout from here.  The toilet seat was leaning so far left that I thought it was a democrat!

I’m sure the neighbors next door had to of been concerned after hearing a 240 pound man butt flop into the hotel tub.

What crossed my mind was what sort of plan I was going to have to clean up the mess.  There’s no way I could explain the situation without embarrassment when all the towels in the room are white.  And I’m not sure I could come up with a good enough excuse to explain why all the towels went missing in my room if I had to make an emergency disposal of hazardous material.

Honestly, it wasn’t that bad though.  I’m just being overly dramatic.  I did end up using an entire roll of toilet paper to clear the crime scene.  Quite an interesting night to say the least.  I’m not sure if I want to give up eating at El Pollo Loco or stop working out to avoid getting sweaty and keeping this from happening again.

As fat as I’m getting I think I’ve already made the choice.  It’s a slippery slope my friend!


1 Comment

  • Benji

    September 22, 2017

    Lol, damn son a butt flop in the hotel tub 🛀 the struggle is real.