Skinny Jeans

Why on earth would any man with a ball sack think to wear skinny jeans?  Why do you want your pants to look like they’re painted on?  Where do you put your wallet?  I’m sure they don’t keep a wallet.  They probably keep all their money in a purse a long with their nuts.  I don’t know what I’d do with my hands if I was nervous since the pockets aren’t usable.  My legs need to breathe too.  I don’t like being suffocated especially with what I’m wearing.  I would wear sweatpants if I could work and get away with it.

But skinny jeans?  C’mon dude.  That can’t be comfortable.  Maybe if you have a vagina it might work but not if you have a working mechanism downstairs.  Do the jeans also come with a high pitched voice?  I can’t imagine stuffing myself into this contraption.  Surely it makes it difficult to walk, kneel, or bend over.  Well I’m sure bending over isn’t much of probably for these dudes who wear skinny jeans.

If it takes extra effort to slide your limbs into an article of clothing then I’m not for it.  I’m highly against taking a really long time to get dressed.  My typical outfit consists of a t-shirt and some basketball shorts…and you’ll find me, on most occasions, wearing this.  I don’t like being uncomfortable.  And it probably takes these dudes even longer to get the jeans off.  I can’t bend down that far to have to pull my jeans off by the foot.

I guess I like loose fit clothing because I’m getting fatter…I mean clothes are getting tighter.  I even went out and bought some bigger size underwear because I didn’t like sitting down all day and coming home to the Hanes logo imprinted around my stomach.

I’ll go against the trend and stick to my relaxed fit baggy jeans.  You confused males can have your skinny jeans and suffocating nut sack.  I’ll stick to letting my guys enjoy oxygen and hang-down freedom.